I Do Not Look Like This Man

I think I was 17 when one of my cousins mailed my mother a thumbnail sized photo of Leonardo DiCaprio, torn from a magazine with a Post-It attached, on which she had scrawled, "I think this looks like Matthew." Clearly she had lost her mind. The face in the picture didn't look anything like mine, but that didn't prevent my mother or any other family member who saw the picture from agreeing.

All of this happened shortly after the release of Titanic, so naturally, these accusations of resemblance were embarrassing and infuriating. As a teenage male, I was a member of the only clear-thinking demographic left in America. I saw right through DiCaprio's guise as a talented, handsome young actor, to see the over-rated, pretty-boy hack he really was. Although meant as a compliment, being told that I looked like him was an insult of the highest caliber.

But it didn't really matter. I knew that every one of them was wrong. I lived securely in that knowledge for several years, until the day I did a double-take at what I thought was my face on the cover of The New York Times Magazine. Holy shit, he did look like me.

Except he still didn't. Individually, not a single characteristic is similar, but something about the gestalt of his face is eerily reminiscent of my own. It defies description, but it's there. It doesn't bother me as much as it once did. I've come to recognize DiCaprio as a pretty good actor. Overall, I find him much less annoying than I once did. Still, that momentary feeling of panic I get when I mistake a picture of him in people for one of me hasn't gone away.

The funny thing is, people never say that I remind them of Leonardo DiCaprio, just that he reminds them of me. I am pleased by this, as I still find his find his face vaugely disturbing. Thankfully, I can say with confidence that although Leonardo Dicaprio may somewhat look like me, I do not look like Leonardo Dicaprio.