Last Days in Azeroth
I logged onto World of Warcraft tonight to get a few final moments with the beta. Since I didn't expect to have much time, and the beta was ending anyway, I decided not to dedicate my time to completing another quest, but to more important matters. That's right, seeing how much alcohol my character, Helbert, could consume before passing out. I headed to Stormwind's local winery and got to work.
For those of you who haven't yet tried drinking your characters into oblivion, I'm pleased to report that consuming a few flagons of mead is enough to make your character's walking path swagger from side to side. I also decided to go for a swim in the moat, and found myself slowly sinking to the bottom as I swam. But wait, what's this?
Monsters?! That's right, in typical end-of-beta tradition, Blizzard had unleashed hordes of hellish monsters upon the cities of Azeroth. Helbert ran as fast as his jelly-like legs would carrying him to the city gates, where he was promptly killed. Just as in real life, the inflated bravado gained from drinking 12 jugs of bourbon is not something that should be acted upon.
Helbert ran back to the city in ghost form. Fortunately, it seems that a violent death sobers one up faster than a broken condom, and Helbert now had enough sense to remain in ghostly form a while to help document the end of the world. Upon arriving back in town, Helbert found several residents locked in battle with an evil beast.
Through much perseverance, the heroes were finally able to vanquish the horrible foe...
But alas, the casualties were tremendous.
Nonetheless, peace had returned to the bustling city, and life could once again-- Hold on... what's this?
OH MY GOD! EVERYBODY DOWN!
That's right, that fucking chicken and his buddies wreaked mother fucking havoc on Stormwind, and of course, Helbert was once again one of the casualties. It took a lot to bring these guys down, but eventually, they were defeated.
It was time for Helbert to head to Ironforge to see how his home city was holding up. He hopped on a griffin and flew to the City of Dwarves. Helbert ran from the landing point into the Great Hall of Ironforge and made his way towards the front gates. He was almost there when this came lumbering around the corner.
Helbert went stealth in hopes that the 50 foot tall rock monster wouldn't notice him. Of course, not being noticed is probably just as dangerous with feet that big. Helbert got squished, but he did manage to run back and take some more pictures so others could see just how big this mofo was.
Brandon showed up with Shaboozy around this time. After greeting each other with train noises, the two gnomes tried to take on one of the smaller Doomguards watching over the gates. Naturally, that didn't last long at all either, and a few moments after both gnomes died, a message from the server came up to let us know that Shutdown was in FIVE MINUTES. After resurrecting Helbert and Shaboozy, Brandon and I decided to try to make it to Dun Morgoh before shutdown. It was a race against the clock. Unfortunatly, Shaboozy didn't make it, but I was determined to have Helbert go out with a bang! As he rode the griffin through the air, Helbert tore his restrictive clothing from his body and tossed them to the ground far below!
With 15 seconds to spare, Helbert leapt from his mount and ran to a nearby field!
SUCCESS!
Not more than 5 seconds after that picture was taken, the server shut down, and the open beta ended. See you next tuesday, Azeroth.
For those of you who haven't yet tried drinking your characters into oblivion, I'm pleased to report that consuming a few flagons of mead is enough to make your character's walking path swagger from side to side. I also decided to go for a swim in the moat, and found myself slowly sinking to the bottom as I swam. But wait, what's this?
Monsters?! That's right, in typical end-of-beta tradition, Blizzard had unleashed hordes of hellish monsters upon the cities of Azeroth. Helbert ran as fast as his jelly-like legs would carrying him to the city gates, where he was promptly killed. Just as in real life, the inflated bravado gained from drinking 12 jugs of bourbon is not something that should be acted upon.
Helbert ran back to the city in ghost form. Fortunately, it seems that a violent death sobers one up faster than a broken condom, and Helbert now had enough sense to remain in ghostly form a while to help document the end of the world. Upon arriving back in town, Helbert found several residents locked in battle with an evil beast.
Through much perseverance, the heroes were finally able to vanquish the horrible foe...
But alas, the casualties were tremendous.
Nonetheless, peace had returned to the bustling city, and life could once again-- Hold on... what's this?
OH MY GOD! EVERYBODY DOWN!
That's right, that fucking chicken and his buddies wreaked mother fucking havoc on Stormwind, and of course, Helbert was once again one of the casualties. It took a lot to bring these guys down, but eventually, they were defeated.
It was time for Helbert to head to Ironforge to see how his home city was holding up. He hopped on a griffin and flew to the City of Dwarves. Helbert ran from the landing point into the Great Hall of Ironforge and made his way towards the front gates. He was almost there when this came lumbering around the corner.
Helbert went stealth in hopes that the 50 foot tall rock monster wouldn't notice him. Of course, not being noticed is probably just as dangerous with feet that big. Helbert got squished, but he did manage to run back and take some more pictures so others could see just how big this mofo was.
Brandon showed up with Shaboozy around this time. After greeting each other with train noises, the two gnomes tried to take on one of the smaller Doomguards watching over the gates. Naturally, that didn't last long at all either, and a few moments after both gnomes died, a message from the server came up to let us know that Shutdown was in FIVE MINUTES. After resurrecting Helbert and Shaboozy, Brandon and I decided to try to make it to Dun Morgoh before shutdown. It was a race against the clock. Unfortunatly, Shaboozy didn't make it, but I was determined to have Helbert go out with a bang! As he rode the griffin through the air, Helbert tore his restrictive clothing from his body and tossed them to the ground far below!
With 15 seconds to spare, Helbert leapt from his mount and ran to a nearby field!
SUCCESS!
Not more than 5 seconds after that picture was taken, the server shut down, and the open beta ended. See you next tuesday, Azeroth.
posted by matthew at 10:40 PM
1 Comments:
That was entertaining. I wish I had time to visit Azeroth, but I fear getting addicted to the whole MMORPG thing.
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